People may joke about “staying sane” during the holidays, but the saying holds. Each winter, navigating holiday stress is difficult for many people. Depending on one’s life experiences, the holidays can elicit complicated emotions. It might be tempting to self-medicate during the holidays, but there are ways to ensure you receive effective, soothing support. Here are three stress tips from our therapists to help you manage the holidays.

Stress Tip #1 – Remember that movies can create unrealistic expectations

Movies and advertisements often present the “pure joy” of the holidays, causing many people to feel isolated in their stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Spending a Christmas in New York while falling in love sounds great. So does staying in a cabin with friends or family, surrounded by giant snowflakes and cheery snowmen.

While many people do experience joy during the holidays, it is more common that people share the realities of holiday stress, too. Some of these stressors might relate to the logistical stress of hosting one’s family, feeding large groups of people with various tastes and needs, and putting aside your own needs to help with the chaos. Conversely, the lack of any logistical stress if there are “no holiday plans” may induce feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiety, or boredom.

Additional emotional stressors during the holidays may include feeling depressed when you “should” feel happy—the “should” referring to what the movies signal society to feel. Or perhaps you dread the yearly holiday meal when you share proximity with an estranged, or even abusive, relative.

These emotional stressors may feel isolating, but the reality is that most people navigate one–if not several–emotional stressors during the winter holidays. Remember, life is not like how the movies portray it, especially during the holidays.

Stress Tip #2 – Identify your big triggers and develop a “game plan”

Self-inquiry is a valuable process that can help people regulate themselves during potentially stressful situations. By knowing your triggers, you will be more likely to take a step back from the direct comment or action that triggered you, and take care of yourself rather than spiral or burst into anger.

For many people, for example, navigating the holidays as someone with a previous or ongoing eating disorder is difficult. If someone comments during dinner about any perceived weight gain or weight loss of someone else at the table, what do you do?

By identifying this potential trigger in advance, you can create a game plan for when it happens. So when Aunt Sally says, “Wow [name] are you going to eat all that turkey?” right as you are about to enjoy dinner, you can remind yourself, “Aunt Sally is not aware of the harm of her statements.” If you have a partner or close relative at this event, and you feel comfortable telling them about a triggering relative or conversation that might come up, try creating a game plan, or create a code word or gesture for when you feel like you need physical comfort or reassurance.

It may seem silly, but having a go-to internal script or plan during an unavoidable stressor, such as talking with “Aunt Sally” at Thanksgiving, can go a long way. Conversely, you can try to avoid sitting near a triggering relative during the entire evening, but that may be less in your control. Lastly, reflect on if you are are able to communicate with your relatives about your triggers and concerns before the event. This last option requires your relatives to have the communicative tools or self-inquiry to hear you, reflect on their actions, and change their behaviors.

Stress Tip #3 – You Have Permission to “Opt Out” of Major Stressors

Sometimes, you need to remember: you do not have to go to stressful, triggering events if you do not want to. If you have tried to set limits and boundaries with certain family members or friends, and they continue to not hear your needs, maybe you need a break this holiday.

This is a major decision that can initially feel isolating. But it may be the best option if a “required” event during the holidays could harm your mental health.

If each year, for example, an after-hours Office Holiday Party always results in giving you an anxiety attack, maybe this is the year you do not go. Make up an excuse. Come down with a “cold” the day before. These options do exist. Your mental health matters.

A therapist can help you explore all your options and create a plan that makes you feel seen, respected, and emotionally stronger.

Have a Question? Schedule a Visit with an NAMHS Therapist

There are big questions and potential solutions to complicated holiday dynamics and stressors. If you have a question or would like more information, contact NAMHS or request an appointment. NAMHS has in-person therapists available in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Woodland and Monterey. We also have online therapy appointments.

Our therapists are here to support you and provide short-term and long-term relief.

Embracing Anxiety: 3 Tips from a Licensed Therapist

Have you recently worked with a therapist? Each year, therapists help people with high anxiety find calm, stability, and relief. Anxiety affects millions of people, especially since 2020 when mass amounts of our population accumulated added stress from COVID-19 and increased uncertainty in their future.

Luckily, therapists at North American Health Services can offer tangible ways to embrace anxiety and work with it so you can continue living a balanced life.

Tips for Recognizing and Embracing Anxiety, from NAMHS LMFT Simeon Jones

Living with anxiety requires recognition of certain thought patterns, as well as lots of compassion for yourself. Think back to the early days, when surviving the initial COVID-19 lockdown seemed impossible, but you adapted. Living with high anxiety also requires adaptation.

Simeon Jones is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in working with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. Here are his three tips for reducing high anxiety.

1. Remember that “Your Feelings are Valid” 
Some situations call for anxiety, such as concern for a sick loved one or uncertainty over one’s job or housing. However, constant levels of anxiety can be annoying to experience, at best, and devastating at worst.

Many people with anxiety often recognize when they feel anxious. This recognition is a worthy tip in itself. When you can label your state as “anxious,” the amygdala calms down in a process called affective labeling.

If your anxiety is producing emotional variations of fear (ranging from cautious to panicked), remember that your emotional experience is real. Your feelings are valid; however, the thoughts influencing these feelings may not be.

As Simeon Jones, LMFT described in Healing Modern Anxieties in a Shifting World, persistent feelings of fear and worry are not always helpful. That’s why additional self-inquiry, relational healing, and professional support can help you move through your emotions without getting “stuck.”

2. Recognize and Label Thought Distortions 
When feeling anxious, many people experience common thought distortions such as rumination and catastrophizing. These thought patterns might influence how you feel and perhaps, make you even more anxious. That feeling of anxiety is real, even if the thoughts influencing it may not necessarily reflect the truth.

For example, imagine that you messed up a presentation at work. You stumbled over your introductory slides, mispronounced a few words, and forgot to leave time for questions at the end. None of these mistakes are life-threatening, but all you can think is, “I ruined that presentation. My boss was not impressed. I might get fired. I’m going to get fired. If I get fired, I won’t be able to pay rent and support my family.”

This is a classic example of catastrophizing when after an initial stressful event, you’re experiencing a seemingly endless loop of “worst case scenarios.” When you find yourself caught in the whirlpool of catastrophizing, find ways to pause this line of thought and give your mind and body a break. The first step is to recognize and label the thought distortions, if and when they occur.

3. Connect with People 
This last tip requires a bit of vulnerability because it involves being honest with people about your experience with anxiety. Connecting with someone about mental health can mean different actions, depending on your needs.

One way to connect with people might mean calling a good friend who you always feel supported by, and letting them know you had a rough day with anxiety. Or maybe during a “high anxiety” moment, you can call them or even send them a quick text, expressing that you’re having a high anxiety day. Some friends—even good friends who mean well—may need you to tell them what you need to feel supported. Maybe all you want is a simple text back that is as simple as a heart emoji, to feel seen and loved. Maybe you just want someone to laugh with you about an awkward exchange, so you can find humor amidst the anxiety.

Another way to connect with people is to find a therapist who makes you feel seen and also has the professional tools to help you grow. This also requires vulnerability and trust, as you share your story with “a stranger.” But this stranger has one job: to support you. Plus, unlike a friend, they carry less bias and understand the complexity of mental health. You also don’t need to worry about “burdening” a therapist the way you might worry about “burdening” a friend. That said, a world where people talk more openly with friends and colleagues about mental health is a beautiful thing.

If you or someone you care about struggles with high anxiety, various types of therapy can also provide relief.

Find the Right Therapist For You
Anxiety is common: we live in a world with constant change, uncertainty, and challenges. At North American Mental Health Services, we believe that feeling better starts with finding someone to listen to your experiences.

NAMHS has in-person therapy in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Monterey, Salinas, Red Bluff and Hollister as well as online therapy care available via HomePsych.

Healing Modern Anxieties in a Shifting World

There is a lot of anxiety in the world right now. We are in the middle of an election year, and things like threats of pandemic and global warming bring about feelings of fear in many people. No matter where you fall on these issues, many people are worried.

Social media, politics, and the fast-paced nature of modern life have divided us. We love our fences. We live in our “house bubbles,” and we drive in our “car bubbles,” and a large portion of our day we sit in our “office bubbles.” I even see some of my patients via Telehealth from my office—I can “virtually” go anywhere in the world from my office. Because of our modern conveniences, there is less and less of a need to venture out into the world. But what are the ramifications of this trend toward isolation? For one, people can feel unmoored and disconnected. Another effect is further isolation: we easily retreat into echo chambers where we only hear thoughts and opinions that are just like our own.

I recently heard about an amazing way that doctors are treating severe stutterers. It’s called “delayed auditory feedback.” The way it works is that the doctor places a device resembling a hearing aid into the ears of the stutterer. When the person speaks, the device picks up the sound of their voice and plays it back in their ear simultaneously and at a slightly different frequency and tone. According to the researchers, this creates what they call “the choral effect.” The brain is tricked into thinking that the person is speaking along with someone else. Research has shown that when people who stutter sing or speak in unison with others, their speech is more fluid and in some cases the stammering goes away completely.

The stigma of a speech impediment can be crippling for those that suffer from it and alters the way they go about their normal lives. Many are isolated and choose careers that don’t require them to interact with others. It is exhausting and frustrating to get stuck on a syllable and not be able to get past it.

In an article in USA Today they reported that Cris Muirhead of Searcy, Ark. (who suffers from severe stuttering) would try and tell the waiter at a restaurant his order, but after several minutes of trying to get his order from his mind to his lips, he would often give up and end up eating something he did not want to eat. He now wears a hearing aide, and his stuttering has virtually disappeared.

It is not fun to feel stuck. We get trapped in our own minds and are unable to break through. Human beings can talk themselves into anything. Without other voices in our lives, it becomes easy to stutter through life. I think that is why it is so important to stay connected with others. Hearing voices that are tuned to a slightly different frequency gives perspective and at times can make your own voice more fluid.

It’s not necessary to be swept up in fear and worry. The “choral effect” can help us feel anchored even in a world that’s unpredictable and shifting. We need each other. I need your voice in my life, and you need mine. The “choral effect” that will be created by our interaction may help us feel less alone with our stuttering lives.

In order to heal, we have to find ways to reconnect with people. One of the benefits of therapy is that it is a relationship that is nonjudgmental. It’s a caring environment and a space where people can come into healing, find peace with themselves, hear another’s voice, and have their voice be heard.