Starting college is an exciting and potentially anxiety-inducing time. Some people love new experiences, opportunities, and challenges, while other people can find it overwhelming to be immersed in a new environment.

As you or someone you know is beginning college this fall, remember that prioritizing mental health is important. The transition to college can be overwhelming, but with the right resources and support systems in place, you can navigate this period successfully and prioritize your mental well-being.

Familiarize Yourself with Available Mental Health Support Systems On and Off-Campus

College life can bring about a whirlwind of emotions–excitement, anxiety, and everything in between. Mental health plays a pivotal role in your overall well-being and academic success.

Universities are increasingly acknowledging the need for adequate, timely responses so that their students can get the mental health support they need. When you arrive at your campus–or when you login to your online campus–take time to familiarize yourself with the available support systems. You can often ask a staff member, professor, RA, or a friend to let you know what services exist.

Here are common mental health support systems to inquire about.

1. Counseling Services
Most colleges have counseling centers that offer individual and group counseling sessions. Trained professionals are there to listen and provide guidance on a range of issues, from stress management to depression to relationship concerns. Some colleges offer online resources such as mental health assessments, virtual counseling, and self-help modules.

Counseling can help you develop coping strategies and express your thoughts and feelings. Some counseling centers may have psychiatrists, or may provide referrals to local mental health professionals for medication prescriptions and specialized support.

Remember that if you’re in crisis, most colleges have emergency services available. This might involve a 24/7 crisis hotline or a dedicated counselor who can provide immediate assistance.

2. Peer Support Groups
Some colleges organize peer support groups where students can connect with others who may be facing similar challenges. For example, a peer support group may exist for survivors of domestic abuse or for students recovering from eating disorders.

Ideally, a peer support group creates a non-judgemental space to share your story, listen to other’s stories, and learn from one another. If you prefer seeking help off-campus, your college can provide you with information about local mental health clinics, therapists, and support groups.

3. Wellness Programs & Campus Health Services
Many campuses offer wellness programs that focus on promoting holistic well-being. These programs can include workshops on mindfulness, stress reduction, time management, and more. Participating in these activities can equip you with valuable tools for maintaining your mental health.

Your college’s health center is another valuable resource. They can provide medical care and guidance on a range of health-related issues, including mental health.

4. Academic Advisors
Academic advisors cannot offer direct mental health support in the same way that licensed professionals can; however, they can point you in the right direction. Plus, they may offer guidance on course selection, workload management, and study strategies, which can help reduce stress and anxiety in itself.

5. Residential Advisors (RAs)
If you’re living in a dormitory, your RA can be a great source of support. They may be closer in age to you, which makes them more approachable, ideally. RAs are trained to assist students with various challenges. They can also provide information about campus resources or simply listen when you need to talk.

How to Prioritize Self-Care during the College Years

While mental illness can happen to anyone, at any time, proactive self-care can go a long way. Remember that if self-care does not help with whatever you or someone you love is navigating, that it’s not your fault.

One of the best ways to prioritize wellness is to practice your time management skills so you have time for studying, sleeping, socializing, working a job, etc. We know this is easier said than done.

As a start, try to establish a consistent sleep schedule. Maybe this looks like setting an alarm at 10:00 p.m. to remind yourself to stop working or socializing, and get ready for bed. If you have a sleeping disorder, consider asking a counselor for their advice on how to navigate that. A long-term lack of sleep will negatively impact your mood and cognitive functioning. Regular physical activity and nutritious meals can also help your sleep routine.

While partying is part of many campus cultures, try to avoid excessive alcohol or substance use. It not only disrupts with your sleep, but also has side effects that can negatively impact your mental health. It is possible to meet people and cultivate meaningful relationships without partying excessively.

Mental Health for College Students

Many college campuses have mental health support in place for students. North American mental health services has partnered with Simpson University, providing students help for stress, anxiety, depression, ADHD and more.

A therapist may provide self-assessment tools like a “life balance wheel” to help people reflect and change their habits. It is always a good time to reflect on how grounded you feel in various areas of your life. A completed life balance wheel is a helpful visual that may make it easier to identify what areas of your life need more attention and care.

We hope this article on balance–complete with a life balance wheel visual–is useful to you on your mental health journey.

What is Life Balance?

Asking what balance is is a bit like asking what the meaning of life is: you may get different answers depending on who you ask and depending on their personal, spiritual, and social beliefs.

The dictionary from Oxford Languages defines balance as “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.” Therapists help people figure out what elements of their life are not in a proportion that feels good, and develop a strategy to realign time and commitments. People can fall “out of balance” when they work too hard and have less time for friends and family; conversely, a toxic relationship might demand more time and attention, and make someone might feel out of balance and unable to devote enough time to their career or hobbies.

Therapists and counselors use cognitive therapy to discuss and address conflicts that people may face in their work-family balance.

How to Use a Life Balance Wheel

First, ask your therapist for a self-assessment tool like a life balance wheel. We recommend pairing this reflection with cognitive therapy, so you can actualize what habits you want to change to move toward balance. If you do not have a therapist, you can still print the life balance wheel from this article. Alternatively, you can draw a circle on a large piece of paper and make your own life balance wheel.

Once you have your life balance wheel, allot at least 10 minutes to sit down and reflect. Rate how satisfied you are, on a scale of 1–10, with each of the 8 categories in your life. On the life balance wheel in this article, those categories include family, relationships/love, career/study, wealth/finance, health/fitness, service/community, social/friends, and spiritual/self-time. Mark the ratings accordingly, so that the higher rankings show more areas filled in toward the outer edge of the circle.

You can also do this activity with your partner or an “accountability buddy” and discuss the reflections afterward that you feel comfortable sharing.

For Best Results, Prioritize Mental Health

Making a life balance wheel can help you realize what is in alignment and what needs fixing. Sometimes, what “needs fixing” is complex. Or, better said, what needs fixing is something that needs healing. For example, maybe after the self-assessment, you feel that you are not satisfied with your social/friends and your health/fitness category. But how do you work toward greater satisfaction in those areas, and in a way that feels sustainable for long-term growth and change?

Remember that therapy changes lives. With the life balance wheel, maybe there are underlying mental health issues at play that influence your satisfaction with various areas of your life. For example, therapy can help you gain tips to ease anxiety and depression, which in turn can influence the relationships in your life.

Many people feel that having a therapist keeps them accountable to their goals and also provides a deeper reflection on what their goals are, and why. You also do not need to “hit rock bottom” to consider therapy; many people pursue mental health support when they are doing okay, but have a few areas of their life that they wish felt more balanced. Other people invest in their mental health when they want to gain helpful tools for navigating life.

Find the Right Therapist For You

Speaking with a healthcare professional can also bring balance and clarity into your life. At North American Mental Health Services, we believe that feeling better starts with finding someone to listen to your experiences.

If you or a loved one need help to manage life’s challenges, and you are interested in working with a therapist in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Monterey, Salinas, Red Bluff and Hollister , or Monterey, contact us. NAMHS also offers online therapy.

Self soothing refers to the ability to regulate your body and emotions with actionable steps. The following actions can bring a sense of calm back to the day. Young children can also incorporate these tips into their routines and experience the benefits.

Enjoy the tips for self soothing and share them with a friend who could use relief from anxiety or depression.

Self Soothing Tip #1 – Know Your Triggers

Knowing what behaviors and words trigger you is an important first step to self soothing. Ideally, you can avoid triggering behavior altogether, but sometimes, you may not have control over your surroundings or the people who trigger you.

For example, people with a history of body dysmorphia or eating disorders might feel triggered when people comment on perceived weight gain or loss. If you know that these types of comments could trigger you, you can brace yourself for the comment. There might be comfort in knowing, “that type of comment would trigger me.”

By naming the trigger and having compassion for yourself, you can self soothe and bring yourself a bit of comfort.

Self Soothing Tip #2 – Seek Out Interactive Activities

This tip requires another person or animal to bring you comfort. Given that pets help reduce people’s blood pressure, it makes sense that when feeling strong emotions, being around another living being can help.

If you have a pet, great. If not, there are other ways to experience interactive soothing: do you have a friend or a partner who you can ask for a hug or a back rub? Is there an affordable place to get a massage?

Self Soothing Tip #3 – Breathe Your Way to a Calm Place

Our article, Embracing Anxiety: 3 Tips from a Licensed Therapist offers more tips to work through anxiety. Many of those tips can help soothe. For breathing your way to a calmer place, try taking three deep breaths. Upon inhaling, count “one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi,” and pause for one second while holding your breath before a slow exhale.

Or, try closing one nostril by placing your index finger on the right or left nostril. Then, breathe in through the open nostril for a count of three. At the peak of the inhale, switch your index finger to cover the other nostril upon exhaling. The simple coordination this breathing requires can help a rattled mind.

Find the Right Therapist For You

Looking for a therapist? NAMHS can help in finding a therapist. In addition to self soothing, speaking with a healthcare professional can also bring comfort and clarity into your life. At North American Mental Health Services, we believe that feeling better starts with finding someone to listen to your experiences.

NAMHS has in-person therapists in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Monterey, Salinas, Red Bluff and Hollister as well as online therapy care available via HomePsych.

While some of these ideas require advanced planning, they do help soothe a rattled nervous system.

North American Mental Health Services is celebrating our Grand Opening in Monterey, CA. Professionals and community members are welcomed to attend the celebration.

Refreshments and appetizers will be provided!

When:
Thursday January 12, 2023
4:30-6pm

Where:
1035 Cass Street
Monterey, CA 93940

About NAMHS:
North American Mental Health Services provides psychiatric services in Redding, Fairfield, Woodland, Eureka, online—and now in Monterey, CA.

People may joke about “staying sane” during the holidays, but the saying holds. Each winter, navigating holiday stress is difficult for many people. Depending on one’s life experiences, the holidays can elicit complicated emotions. It might be tempting to self-medicate during the holidays, but there are ways to ensure you receive effective, soothing support. Here are three stress tips from our therapists to help you manage the holidays.

Stress Tip #1 – Remember that movies can create unrealistic expectations

Movies and advertisements often present the “pure joy” of the holidays, causing many people to feel isolated in their stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Spending a Christmas in New York while falling in love sounds great. So does staying in a cabin with friends or family, surrounded by giant snowflakes and cheery snowmen.

While many people do experience joy during the holidays, it is more common that people share the realities of holiday stress, too. Some of these stressors might relate to the logistical stress of hosting one’s family, feeding large groups of people with various tastes and needs, and putting aside your own needs to help with the chaos. Conversely, the lack of any logistical stress if there are “no holiday plans” may induce feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiety, or boredom.

Additional emotional stressors during the holidays may include feeling depressed when you “should” feel happy—the “should” referring to what the movies signal society to feel. Or perhaps you dread the yearly holiday meal when you share proximity with an estranged, or even abusive, relative.

These emotional stressors may feel isolating, but the reality is that most people navigate one–if not several–emotional stressors during the winter holidays. Remember, life is not like how the movies portray it, especially during the holidays.

Stress Tip #2 – Identify your big triggers and develop a “game plan”

Self-inquiry is a valuable process that can help people regulate themselves during potentially stressful situations. By knowing your triggers, you will be more likely to take a step back from the direct comment or action that triggered you, and take care of yourself rather than spiral or burst into anger.

For many people, for example, navigating the holidays as someone with a previous or ongoing eating disorder is difficult. If someone comments during dinner about any perceived weight gain or weight loss of someone else at the table, what do you do?

By identifying this potential trigger in advance, you can create a game plan for when it happens. So when Aunt Sally says, “Wow [name] are you going to eat all that turkey?” right as you are about to enjoy dinner, you can remind yourself, “Aunt Sally is not aware of the harm of her statements.” If you have a partner or close relative at this event, and you feel comfortable telling them about a triggering relative or conversation that might come up, try creating a game plan, or create a code word or gesture for when you feel like you need physical comfort or reassurance.

It may seem silly, but having a go-to internal script or plan during an unavoidable stressor, such as talking with “Aunt Sally” at Thanksgiving, can go a long way. Conversely, you can try to avoid sitting near a triggering relative during the entire evening, but that may be less in your control. Lastly, reflect on if you are are able to communicate with your relatives about your triggers and concerns before the event. This last option requires your relatives to have the communicative tools or self-inquiry to hear you, reflect on their actions, and change their behaviors.

Stress Tip #3 – You Have Permission to “Opt Out” of Major Stressors

Sometimes, you need to remember: you do not have to go to stressful, triggering events if you do not want to. If you have tried to set limits and boundaries with certain family members or friends, and they continue to not hear your needs, maybe you need a break this holiday.

This is a major decision that can initially feel isolating. But it may be the best option if a “required” event during the holidays could harm your mental health.

If each year, for example, an after-hours Office Holiday Party always results in giving you an anxiety attack, maybe this is the year you do not go. Make up an excuse. Come down with a “cold” the day before. These options do exist. Your mental health matters.

A therapist can help you explore all your options and create a plan that makes you feel seen, respected, and emotionally stronger.

Have a Question? Schedule a Visit with an NAMHS Therapist

There are big questions and potential solutions to complicated holiday dynamics and stressors. If you have a question or would like more information, contact NAMHS or request an appointment. NAMHS has in-person therapists available in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Woodland and Monterey. We also have online therapy appointments.

Our therapists are here to support you and provide short-term and long-term relief.

Embracing Anxiety: 3 Tips from a Licensed Therapist

Have you recently worked with a therapist? Each year, therapists help people with high anxiety find calm, stability, and relief. Anxiety affects millions of people, especially since 2020 when mass amounts of our population accumulated added stress from COVID-19 and increased uncertainty in their future.

Luckily, therapists at North American Health Services can offer tangible ways to embrace anxiety and work with it so you can continue living a balanced life.

Tips for Recognizing and Embracing Anxiety, from NAMHS LMFT Simeon Jones

Living with anxiety requires recognition of certain thought patterns, as well as lots of compassion for yourself. Think back to the early days, when surviving the initial COVID-19 lockdown seemed impossible, but you adapted. Living with high anxiety also requires adaptation.

Simeon Jones is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in working with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. Here are his three tips for reducing high anxiety.

1. Remember that “Your Feelings are Valid” 
Some situations call for anxiety, such as concern for a sick loved one or uncertainty over one’s job or housing. However, constant levels of anxiety can be annoying to experience, at best, and devastating at worst.

Many people with anxiety often recognize when they feel anxious. This recognition is a worthy tip in itself. When you can label your state as “anxious,” the amygdala calms down in a process called affective labeling.

If your anxiety is producing emotional variations of fear (ranging from cautious to panicked), remember that your emotional experience is real. Your feelings are valid; however, the thoughts influencing these feelings may not be.

As Simeon Jones, LMFT described in Healing Modern Anxieties in a Shifting World, persistent feelings of fear and worry are not always helpful. That’s why additional self-inquiry, relational healing, and professional support can help you move through your emotions without getting “stuck.”

2. Recognize and Label Thought Distortions 
When feeling anxious, many people experience common thought distortions such as rumination and catastrophizing. These thought patterns might influence how you feel and perhaps, make you even more anxious. That feeling of anxiety is real, even if the thoughts influencing it may not necessarily reflect the truth.

For example, imagine that you messed up a presentation at work. You stumbled over your introductory slides, mispronounced a few words, and forgot to leave time for questions at the end. None of these mistakes are life-threatening, but all you can think is, “I ruined that presentation. My boss was not impressed. I might get fired. I’m going to get fired. If I get fired, I won’t be able to pay rent and support my family.”

This is a classic example of catastrophizing when after an initial stressful event, you’re experiencing a seemingly endless loop of “worst case scenarios.” When you find yourself caught in the whirlpool of catastrophizing, find ways to pause this line of thought and give your mind and body a break. The first step is to recognize and label the thought distortions, if and when they occur.

3. Connect with People 
This last tip requires a bit of vulnerability because it involves being honest with people about your experience with anxiety. Connecting with someone about mental health can mean different actions, depending on your needs.

One way to connect with people might mean calling a good friend who you always feel supported by, and letting them know you had a rough day with anxiety. Or maybe during a “high anxiety” moment, you can call them or even send them a quick text, expressing that you’re having a high anxiety day. Some friends—even good friends who mean well—may need you to tell them what you need to feel supported. Maybe all you want is a simple text back that is as simple as a heart emoji, to feel seen and loved. Maybe you just want someone to laugh with you about an awkward exchange, so you can find humor amidst the anxiety.

Another way to connect with people is to find a therapist who makes you feel seen and also has the professional tools to help you grow. This also requires vulnerability and trust, as you share your story with “a stranger.” But this stranger has one job: to support you. Plus, unlike a friend, they carry less bias and understand the complexity of mental health. You also don’t need to worry about “burdening” a therapist the way you might worry about “burdening” a friend. That said, a world where people talk more openly with friends and colleagues about mental health is a beautiful thing.

If you or someone you care about struggles with high anxiety, various types of therapy can also provide relief.

Find the Right Therapist For You
Anxiety is common: we live in a world with constant change, uncertainty, and challenges. At North American Mental Health Services, we believe that feeling better starts with finding someone to listen to your experiences.

NAMHS has in-person therapy in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Monterey, Salinas, Red Bluff and Hollister as well as online therapy care available via HomePsych.

Healing Modern Anxieties in a Shifting World

There is a lot of anxiety in the world right now. We are in the middle of an election year, and things like threats of pandemic and global warming bring about feelings of fear in many people. No matter where you fall on these issues, many people are worried.

Social media, politics, and the fast-paced nature of modern life have divided us. We love our fences. We live in our “house bubbles,” and we drive in our “car bubbles,” and a large portion of our day we sit in our “office bubbles.” I even see some of my patients via Telehealth from my office—I can “virtually” go anywhere in the world from my office. Because of our modern conveniences, there is less and less of a need to venture out into the world. But what are the ramifications of this trend toward isolation? For one, people can feel unmoored and disconnected. Another effect is further isolation: we easily retreat into echo chambers where we only hear thoughts and opinions that are just like our own.

I recently heard about an amazing way that doctors are treating severe stutterers. It’s called “delayed auditory feedback.” The way it works is that the doctor places a device resembling a hearing aid into the ears of the stutterer. When the person speaks, the device picks up the sound of their voice and plays it back in their ear simultaneously and at a slightly different frequency and tone. According to the researchers, this creates what they call “the choral effect.” The brain is tricked into thinking that the person is speaking along with someone else. Research has shown that when people who stutter sing or speak in unison with others, their speech is more fluid and in some cases the stammering goes away completely.

The stigma of a speech impediment can be crippling for those that suffer from it and alters the way they go about their normal lives. Many are isolated and choose careers that don’t require them to interact with others. It is exhausting and frustrating to get stuck on a syllable and not be able to get past it.

In an article in USA Today they reported that Cris Muirhead of Searcy, Ark. (who suffers from severe stuttering) would try and tell the waiter at a restaurant his order, but after several minutes of trying to get his order from his mind to his lips, he would often give up and end up eating something he did not want to eat. He now wears a hearing aide, and his stuttering has virtually disappeared.

It is not fun to feel stuck. We get trapped in our own minds and are unable to break through. Human beings can talk themselves into anything. Without other voices in our lives, it becomes easy to stutter through life. I think that is why it is so important to stay connected with others. Hearing voices that are tuned to a slightly different frequency gives perspective and at times can make your own voice more fluid.

It’s not necessary to be swept up in fear and worry. The “choral effect” can help us feel anchored even in a world that’s unpredictable and shifting. We need each other. I need your voice in my life, and you need mine. The “choral effect” that will be created by our interaction may help us feel less alone with our stuttering lives.

In order to heal, we have to find ways to reconnect with people. One of the benefits of therapy is that it is a relationship that is nonjudgmental. It’s a caring environment and a space where people can come into healing, find peace with themselves, hear another’s voice, and have their voice be heard.

We all go through challenging things from time to time, and the struggle with one’s mental health is not a reflection of one’s strength or weakness. That false belief can lead to negative and fearful thoughts that make us feel really bad. Past traumas do not have to be inexorably linked with our identities.

Many people walk around in the world not knowing what they need – they just know that they hurt. The world can sometimes seem like a scary place. Wars, school shootings, and similar events lead our evening newscasts and top the front pages of our papers. Sometimes, this can lead to strong feelings of anxiety and depression. Trauma can change the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and about the world. These stories can have a huge impact on how we feel and how we walk around every day.

Recognizing The Symptoms Of Trauma

People might not realize they have been affected by trauma. Some symptoms may include sleeplessness, hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression. Years ago, I worked in a hospital in Los Angeles. At times we would have traumatic things happen. We referred to these as “sentinal events.” These would consist of a patient death, a violent patient, or another emotionally taxing experience. Some medical professionals would try to ignore it or brush it off as “just part of the job.” The thought process was something like, “If I’m going to be a good nurse, I can’t be viewed as weak or soft.” So, they would employ various avoidance strategies to cope. Later they may begin to experience unwanted symptoms. At times, it may not even appear that their feelings are associated with that event. It’s as if a fear switch turns on, but it doesn’t turn off like normal.

Getting Treatment For Trauma

On a hopeful note, there are effective therapy treatments that can help people gain the tools they need to not be dominated by fear. We can find acceptance in that though we suffer, we can still overcome. We can live lives of hope and not fear. The stigma of mental health is lessening, and more and more people are reaching out for help. The more awareness that people have about mental health services, the more willing they will be to seek help from a licensed therapist or other mental health professional. If you are struggling with these unwanted feelings, just remember that you are not alone. Help is available to you if you make the choice to engage with it.

“We walk in circles, so limited by our own anxieties that we can no longer distinguish between true and false, between the gangster’s whim and the purest ideal.” Ingrid Bergman

Several years ago I sat in a little office inside a locked Psychiatric hospital trying to help a middle-aged woman make sense of all of the problems in her life. She was suffering from severe depression and was having frequent panic attacks. Her life had become unmanageable, and the sheer weight of the issues in her life were crushing her spirit.

I listened to her tell her story, and express her feelings of hopelessness. It’s not important here to get into the details of the tale, but needless to say, she was bombarded with some of life’s most stressful events. Tears streamed down her face, and as she described each of her struggles, she began hyperventilating. The sobs became deep and throbbing, and she started pounding the table. “I can’t handle this! I just want it to stop,” she said.

At the time I was new to this kind of treatment. I felt overwhelmed as well. The weight in the air was crushing. I recognized this internal process in myself, and out of self-preservation started taking deep breaths. I asked her, “I want you to breathe with me. All around you are problems that you can’t fix right now, and I can imagine that makes you feel out of control. So, I want you to focus on something that you can control. Your breathing. You’ve been inhaling and exhaling since the doctor swatted you on that first day, and you are an expert. I want you to focus on this next breath. Ready? Inhale . . . 2, 3, 4. Exhale . . . 2, 3, 4.”
This breathing exercise continued for several minutes, as I attempted to bring her back to baseline. When she was able to control her breathing, and the panic was replaced with exhaustion I said, “Have you ever had the flu?”

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “When I get the flu, my life shrinks down to the size of my couch, and maybe a short path to the bathroom. I can’t handle going to the Post Office, or to work. I am not able to do the tasks on my ‘to do’ list. Even if I wanted to do these things, it would be wasted energy. Cause I’ve got the flu.”

Her: “I hate getting the flu.”

Me: “Me too. It’s not comfortable to have the flu. You feel weak, and nauseous. Your body doesn’t do what you want it to, and you just want to feel normal again.”

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “You’ve got the flu in a sense. All of these problems and issues are floating out there, and you can’t take care of all of them at once. Where do you start? How do you tackle these things when you feel so overwhelmed? That’s why, we’re going to shrink your life down. Wipe away all of the worry and problems from your mind for a time, because when you have the flu, you can’t affect them anyway.”

Her: “How do I do that? I think about these things all the time, and they’re just waiting for me.”

Me: “It is challenging, but you just did it with your breathing. You shrunk your world down to a single breath, and it helped you for a time. After a while you’ll have enough strength to expand your world a little to include eating lunch, and then going to group, and so on. As you get more comfortable, you will be able to expand enough to actually impact your life and those around you, but for now, it’s wasted energy to focus on that.”

Her: “Ok I’ll try.”

My middle-aged patient was skeptical at first, but we worked on keeping her life small. We rehearsed how to start dealing with the problems in her life. She developed a plan to make some changes in how she thinks about herself, and her role in the chaos. After a while, her life began expanding away from the couch and back out into the fresh air.

Paring down your life is critical in the midst of crisis. Focused attention on the moment, gives your life a little space to operate. It allows for a less cluttered mind, and an ability to eventually start moving in a positive direction. The alternative is to continue walking in circles.

Next time, I’ll talk about moving again…

If you need to talk with someone about either shrinking or expanding your life, North American Mental Health Services has qualified therapists available to help you.

Blessings, and thank you for reading.

Articles in this Series:

• Surviving A Crisis
• Slow Down
• Pare Down

Impulsivity is the enemy when dealing with someone in crisis. When one is living through a difficult situation, the mind is not functioning at full capacity. Resources are low, and the ability to cope with even minor frustrations becomes impossible. Therefore it is important to encourage those in crisis to wait before making any significant life decisions.

After graduating from Seattle Pacific University in 2000, I moved back to the bay area with my older brother Marcus. We had always been friends, and it seemed like a good idea to be with family as I plotted my next move. Shortly after moving in with him, he asked me if I would go with him to look at some cars. The lease on his Jetta was almost up, and he needed a new car.

We drove down to the local dealer in the evening, and looked at a few Honda sedans. Marcus covered a lot of ground that night walking down the rows of cars. There was one in particular that he liked. The salesman asked Marcus if he wanted to talk about how easily this car could be his, and Marcus said, “Sure, let’s talk.” The middle-aged gentleman ushered us into the inner-sanctum of the dealership with a smile. All the while telling us about his teenage daughter, and his love for fly-fishing. We sat down in over stuffed leather chairs awaiting the ‘Closer’ to come in. He finally showed up, and started talking about how much the monthly payments would be, interest rates, etc. “You look like a man who works hard for his money! I bet you’ve had to make sacrifices to get to where you are! You deserve this car,” he said.

Marcus told the man, “I think I deserve it too, but I’ve only seen the car at night. Before I buy the car I need to see it in the daylight. I’ll come back tomorrow and look at it again, and then I’ll buy it if I still feel the same way.” Now, we’ve all been in this situation. The car looks good, but we just want to think about it for a minute.

This of course was not what the salesman wanted to hear. He knew that most sales are completed when a person makes an impulsive choice. He did not want my brother to think about it. Just sign on the line! The special deal they were offering was only good for one night. “If you wait until tomorrow, I can’t offer you the same price.” After what seemed like hours, Marcus walked away without purchasing the car. He refused to become emotionally invested in the moment, and instead passed on the deal.

Living through a crisis is like walking around in the dark trying to see clearly. Life looks different in the ‘dark night of the soul.’ Wait. The light of another day may provide a new perspective. The warmth of a new day’s Sun may lessen the coldness in your heart. Don’t make an impulsive decision that may have lasting implications. Time is a double-edged sword. The good times don’t last forever, but neither do the bad. We are passing through this moment. I do an exercise with my patients that involves squeezing a tennis ball. I tell them, “Squeeze this ball as hard as you can for as long as you can.” No matter how strong a person is, there is a moment when their hand relaxes. You cannot maintain the intensity needed to squeeze the ball forever. The same is true of intense emotion.

I used to see patients every day who were brought to the Emergency Room ready to end their life. I would admit them to the hospital for a period of time to take a deep breath. After a few days, the vast majority of them left the hospital with a new hope. The intensity of the pain had dissipated, even if the trouble had not.

Thank you for reading.

Articles in this Series:

• Surviving A Crisis
• Slow Down
• Pare Down