Simeon Jones, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with North American Mental Health Services, offers his latest thoughts in this article about gravity as it relates to life lessons.

“Something is comforting and intriguing about learning what keeps this universe together and what tears it apart,” Jones reflects.

At work, Jones specializes in working with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. When not working, he enjoys watching the Science Channel and making connections between science and life phenomena. Gravity is one of the scientific topics that intrigues Jones.

What Gravity Can Teach Us about Life

Throughout history, scientists have focused their curiosity on what forces govern matter and energy. Gravity interests Jones because of its related theories, such as how objects with more mass attract objects with less mass: the sun attracts the Earth and the other planets in our solar system, and the Earth attracts the moon.

“It takes immense energy to escape gravitational pull. This is called escape velocity,” Jones says.

Forces in life can have similar dynamics. The “mass” that is created in our lives, can create a type of gravitational pull that keeps us where we are.

“I moved from the San Francisco Bay Area to southern California for graduate school,” Jones shares. “I never thought that I would stay there for more than two years or so to get my degree.”

But after successful and meaningful therapy internships, he began to feel the various pulls to stay. “Promotions and added responsibility made it easy for me to go with the flow, and stay put. And then I met the love of my life. We got married and had two kids.”

Life’s gravity began making it harder for Jones to make changes. He also began recognizing a fear of failure and a lack of security that made it hard to reach escape velocity.

Finding Escape Velocity and Making Changes Happen

Jones wanted to leave his comfort zone and begin a private coaching business, but it seemed daunting. “The economy was in bad shape and the security of my current position made taking a chance hard to imagine.”

Here are three conclusions he made about reaching “escape velocity.”

The energy needed to break free from the gravity of your situation is immense. Be wise with how you direct that energy. For Jones, he found guidance by making lists, scheduling quiet time with a higher power, and making time with his wife and counselors. Consider asking yourself where you are putting energy toward something that does or does not help your goals.

Remember that it is a process. Change can be slow. Ask yourself questions like, “what about my current situation is serving the change I want to see? Who can support me?”

Trust in the process. The struggle you are experiencing can be the very thing that will make you valuable.

These three tips can help anyone who wants to make a change but does not know where to begin.

Find the Right Therapist For You

Therapists like Simeon Jones at North American Mental Health Services offer tangible ways to embrace life changes so you can continue living a balanced life.

If you or a loved one need help to manage life’s challenges, and you are interested in working with a therapist in Redding, Eureka, Fairfield, Monterey, Salinas, Red Bluff and Hollister or online therapist contact us.

“Emotional resilience refers to one’s ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. More resilient people are able to “roll with the punches” and adapt to adversity without lasting difficulties; less resilient people have a harder time with stress and life changes, both major and minor.” – VeryWellMind.com

It’s been a stressful few months. As we approach the summer, many people are wondering what the future is going to hold. The coronavirus has not only impacted the health of many around the world, it has also produced economic hardship and uncertainty. How do we manage the “curve balls” that life throws at us from time to time? I personally wonder, is there anything that I can do for myself, and my community, to weather life’s storms?

I believe there are things we can do. In these next few blogs, I am going to outline five key principles of emotional resilience to help maintain one’s shape when stretched and pulled by challenges and hardships.

The Pursuit Of Happiness

A few years ago, I was curious about the concept of happiness. What is happiness? Our founding fathers considered it to be quite important, so much so they included it as criteria in our country’s founding document. The Declaration of Independence states that “we are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” This led me to wonder, how does one pursue happiness, and when will I know when I’ve found it?

So, I did some research, and I discovered that a doctor at the Mayo Clinic was asking some of the same questions. His name is Dr. Amit Sood. He noticed that the research showed that people who report a general sense of “being ok” in their lives were healthier, more productive, and more resilient. He conducted more than 25 studies on this subject and came to some conclusions. You can read about it for yourself in his book A Guide To Happiness.

One of the common factors that he found was that these “happy people” live with intention, not only in their actions, but in their thinking. Dr. Sood outlined four areas that happy people have in common. The first is the ability to focus your attention. You see, about 30-40 percent of our thinking is not focused thought, but rather, wandering thought. This is totally normal. However, these moments of wandering thought result in us telling stories about ourselves, the world, and how we relate to the world. When we feel good, and life is full of hope, the stories we tell ourselves can be wonderful, full of dreams and positive vibes. However, when we are feeling particularly vulnerable, sad or anxious, these stories can be decidedly negative, and thus we feel really bad. Finding ways to be more mindful in our thinking as well as engaging in activities that keep us more in the present moment can be helpful. Activities like puzzles, working in the garden, fixing your car, and countless others can be ways of focusing your attention on the Here and Now. When left alone with our thoughts, even we can spiral down if we’re not careful.

The 5 Principles Are:

1. Gratitude
2. Acceptance
3. Compassion
4. Meaning
5. Forgiveness

Over the course of the next five posts, I will break down these principles. Practicing these can make a significant difference in your life. Think of this as daily “MENTAL HYGIENE.”

A Therapist’s Guide To Surviving The COVID-19 Lockdown

They say it rains 226 days a year in Seattle. Gray clouds from the North Pacific drift over the Emerald City and drop precipitation on the coffee-drinking public. It is a beautiful city, full of green parks and green politics. You can tell the locals from the others—by the use of umbrellas. Out-of-towners clutch winged sticks held aloft to divert the deluge. Seattleites leave them at home, accepting the fact that a little water from above makes their hair look cooler.

In 1995 I waved goodbye to the sun, and began the trek north from California to this “city on the Sound.” Dad and I loaded up the car with my few possessions. Mom baked some cookies for the trip and packed a cooler full of Diet Pepsi and apple wedges. “Now, don’t forget to eat lots of green vegetables and fruits. You don’t want to get scurvy,” she said. I looked down at the bag slung around my shoulder to see her placing a book in one of the side pouches. I slid it back out just enough to see the title: A Mom’s Guide to Surviving College. It had recipes for macaroni and cheese that gave blow-by-blow instructions on how to make the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As we pulled out of the driveway she stood tearfully watching her youngest son go off to college. We waved, and as the car turned onto the road I felt like I was pulling away from childhood and toward my future. My compass pointed north, and like Jack London, I mushed.

Stepping out into the unknown can be an exciting thing. However, new challenges can sometimes make me feel afraid. As I sit here today, it has become evident that we are faced with a different kind of life transition. Worry and fear have crept into the national consciousness. COVID-19 Information In Redding has infected the hearts of many around the world. While doctors and scientists and politicians work on ways to defeat the microscopic threat, each of us look inward to combat feelings that lie deep inside. Feelings of a lack of control, feeling stuck, and feeling lonely. What will the future hold? Will it look the same as I had grown accustomed to? Will I or someone I love get sick and die? These are all questions that can have a significant impact on our mental health.

Managing these feelings, and coping with the stress that they produce will become increasingly important as the next few weeks and months draw out. We are pulling out of the driveway of what is known and comfortable and heading toward a new reality that is unpredictable. So, as I start down the road stocked with beans and rice and boxes of Hamburger Helper, I would like to share with you a “Therapist’s guide to surviving the Lockdown.”

The River and the Reservoir

The first thing to remember is that your feelings are valid. It is perfectly reasonable to feel uneasy in this time. Acceptance of your emotional reality will help you move through this experience with your mental health intact. Denial of these feelings will only add pressure and weight to the reality that you face. Imagine your feelings are like a river. It flows through you. It touches you. It impacts you. But then, it sails on down the river. On the contrary, a reservoir holds onto the water. The water dams and pools up, creating more volume for you to hold.

Tip: When you feel an emotion like sadness, acknowledge the feeling. Realize that this feeling will not last forever. It will pass, and another feeling or thought will replace it. We think all the time. It is just what minds do. One thought comes. It stays for a while, and then it goes. Another thought comes behind it, and so on. Allowing yourself to experience the emotion authentically will allow you to process it, and move on.

Don’t be surprised if you have some surprising emotions. Each of us will process this crisis differently. One writer described this as grief processing. We are grieving the loss of loved ones yes, but we may also be grieving the loss of a job, the loss of routine, or a loss of security.

Routine of Distraction

It is important to find ways to keep a regular routine. Finding a sense of normalcy is a critical part of maintaining calm and maximizing your effectiveness. If you normally wake up in the morning at 7, continue to do so. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed, as if you had something to do that day. Develop goals and projects for each day. Benchmarks to measure what you have accomplished. This will help you limit the sense of one day flowing into the next with no real structure.

Mix in scheduled entertainment and ways to distract yourself from your situation. Mindful practices like cooking, gardening, and exercise are helpful. Ask yourself, what activities make me feel normal?

Tip: Write it down! Making lists can assist you in organizing these activities, but it can also give you something to look back on at the end of the day as evidence of what you did. Warning: Don’t judge yourself if everything doesn’t get done. There is grace in the midst of this. In other words, be kind.

Have Courage

“Courage is being very afraid, and saddlin’ up anyway.”
– John Wayne

When I was a kid, I loved imagining I was Indiana Jones on an adventure to defeat the Nazi’s in a race to a mythical artifact. I dreamt of commanding the USS Enterprise against the Romulans like Captain Kirk. I visualized myself as Han Solo piloting the Millennium Falcon toward the Death Star to save Luke Skywalker. I, of course, was only a child. The world I lived in was scary, and I was often afraid. In those times, I would ask myself, ‘What would Han Solo do?” In a sense, even though they were fictional characters, I was borrowing their courage for a little bit in order to get through. Eventually, I realized that their courage was actually mine all along.

The bible talks about how persevering through hardship produces character (strength), and that strength produces hope. The competing ideas about our future are fear and hope. Which one I choose to focus on will have a big impact on how I feel and act.

We will get through this. There will be another side. If you have family that are staying with you, enjoy them. Use this time to grow closer together. Resist the urge to go to your own corners and isolate. Engage, talk, do a puzzle, or watch Jeopardy together. If you are living by yourself during this time, reach out to others on social media, pick up the phone and call a friend, or find opportunities in the community for connection. You are not alone. Isolation is depression’s best friend.

Reflecting on the Power to Change and the Things I Learned while Watching the Science Channel

Gravity is a natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract with a force proportional to their masses.

I’ve been watching a lot of shows on the Science Network recently. There is something both comforting and intriguing about learning what keeps this universe of ours together—and what tears it apart. The vastness and complexity of the natural world never ceases to amaze. In fact, the scale of the universe is almost unfathomable.

In order to wrap our human heads around the universe, scientists have focused their curiosity on the forces that govern matter and energy. Laws govern this world, and theories try to explain what the laws don’t.

Gravity is interesting to me. Now I don’t know all the intricacies of physics, but it seems to me that objects with more mass attract objects with less mass. The sun attracts the Earth and all the rest of the planets. The Earth attracts the moon and keeps all of us on its surface, too. It takes immense energy to escape its gravitational pull. This is called escape velocity.

Wikipedia explains this process: “In physics, escape velocity is the speed at which the kinetic energy plus the gravitational potential energy of an object is zero.[nb 1] It is the speed needed to “break free” from a gravitational field without further propulsion.”

Life change has similar dynamics. The “mass” that is created in our lives can create a type of gravitational pull that keeps us where we are.

When I moved from the San Francisco bay area to Southern California to attend graduate school, I never thought that I would stay. I assumed that I would be there 2 years or so to get my degree, and then move back up north. However, during my therapy internships, I began gaining influence in my job at the hospital. Promotions and added responsibility made it easy for me to ‘go with the flow,’ and stay put.

This was not a bad thing. In fact, I am grateful for the opportunities that were presented to me. I met the love of my life, and we got married. We had a little girl who has been a blessing and recently had a baby boy. Life’s gravity began making it harder to change. Fear of failure, lack of security, and complacency made it harder to reach the escape velocity needed to see the change that I would like to see.

The desire to step out of my comfort zone seemed daunting. I ultimately came to some conclusions about life change and reaching my “escape velocity.”

1.) The energy needed to break free from the gravity of your situation can be immense. Therefore, you need to be wise in how you direct that energy. You only have so much energy to expend. The more dissipated or distilled it is will determine the impact of your efforts. Keeping focused and redirecting your thoughts back to where you want to go is key.

For me, making lists, scheduling quiet time, scheduling community time with my wife and counselors are important toward achieving this. Ask yourself, “Is there unnecessary energy expenditure in my life?” “What specifically can I eliminate from my life that is not serving my goals?”

2.) When discouragement comes (and it will), remember that it is a process. Many of the relationships and situations that I have the opportunity to be a part of now are invaluable toward what I will be doing. Remember that if the goal hasn’t yet been realized, it does not mean that change is not already occurring. Ask yourself a couple of questions: “What about my current situation is serving the change I want to see in my life?” “Who in my life can be an ally?”

3.) Trust in the process. The struggle you are experiencing can be the very thing that will make you stronger. Wisdom is forged in the crucible. Ask yourself, “What am I learning?”

Take courage. Reaching your escape velocity requires perseverance, patience, and faith! C.S. Lewis said, “Courage is not merely one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at its testing point.”

Healing Modern Anxieties in a Shifting World

There is a lot of anxiety in the world right now. We are in the middle of an election year, and things like threats of pandemic and global warming bring about feelings of fear in many people. No matter where you fall on these issues, many people are worried.

Social media, politics, and the fast-paced nature of modern life have divided us. We love our fences. We live in our “house bubbles,” and we drive in our “car bubbles,” and a large portion of our day we sit in our “office bubbles.” I even see some of my patients via Telehealth from my office—I can “virtually” go anywhere in the world from my office. Because of our modern conveniences, there is less and less of a need to venture out into the world. But what are the ramifications of this trend toward isolation? For one, people can feel unmoored and disconnected. Another effect is further isolation: we easily retreat into echo chambers where we only hear thoughts and opinions that are just like our own.

I recently heard about an amazing way that doctors are treating severe stutterers. It’s called “delayed auditory feedback.” The way it works is that the doctor places a device resembling a hearing aid into the ears of the stutterer. When the person speaks, the device picks up the sound of their voice and plays it back in their ear simultaneously and at a slightly different frequency and tone. According to the researchers, this creates what they call “the choral effect.” The brain is tricked into thinking that the person is speaking along with someone else. Research has shown that when people who stutter sing or speak in unison with others, their speech is more fluid and in some cases the stammering goes away completely.

The stigma of a speech impediment can be crippling for those that suffer from it and alters the way they go about their normal lives. Many are isolated and choose careers that don’t require them to interact with others. It is exhausting and frustrating to get stuck on a syllable and not be able to get past it.

In an article in USA Today they reported that Cris Muirhead of Searcy, Ark. (who suffers from severe stuttering) would try and tell the waiter at a restaurant his order, but after several minutes of trying to get his order from his mind to his lips, he would often give up and end up eating something he did not want to eat. He now wears a hearing aide, and his stuttering has virtually disappeared.

It is not fun to feel stuck. We get trapped in our own minds and are unable to break through. Human beings can talk themselves into anything. Without other voices in our lives, it becomes easy to stutter through life. I think that is why it is so important to stay connected with others. Hearing voices that are tuned to a slightly different frequency gives perspective and at times can make your own voice more fluid.

It’s not necessary to be swept up in fear and worry. The “choral effect” can help us feel anchored even in a world that’s unpredictable and shifting. We need each other. I need your voice in my life, and you need mine. The “choral effect” that will be created by our interaction may help us feel less alone with our stuttering lives.

In order to heal, we have to find ways to reconnect with people. One of the benefits of therapy is that it is a relationship that is nonjudgmental. It’s a caring environment and a space where people can come into healing, find peace with themselves, hear another’s voice, and have their voice be heard.

We all go through challenging things from time to time, and the struggle with one’s mental health is not a reflection of one’s strength or weakness. That false belief can lead to negative and fearful thoughts that make us feel really bad. Past traumas do not have to be inexorably linked with our identities.

Many people walk around in the world not knowing what they need – they just know that they hurt. The world can sometimes seem like a scary place. Wars, school shootings, and similar events lead our evening newscasts and top the front pages of our papers. Sometimes, this can lead to strong feelings of anxiety and depression. Trauma can change the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and about the world. These stories can have a huge impact on how we feel and how we walk around every day.

Recognizing The Symptoms Of Trauma

People might not realize they have been affected by trauma. Some symptoms may include sleeplessness, hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression. Years ago, I worked in a hospital in Los Angeles. At times we would have traumatic things happen. We referred to these as “sentinal events.” These would consist of a patient death, a violent patient, or another emotionally taxing experience. Some medical professionals would try to ignore it or brush it off as “just part of the job.” The thought process was something like, “If I’m going to be a good nurse, I can’t be viewed as weak or soft.” So, they would employ various avoidance strategies to cope. Later they may begin to experience unwanted symptoms. At times, it may not even appear that their feelings are associated with that event. It’s as if a fear switch turns on, but it doesn’t turn off like normal.

Getting Treatment For Trauma

On a hopeful note, there are effective therapy treatments that can help people gain the tools they need to not be dominated by fear. We can find acceptance in that though we suffer, we can still overcome. We can live lives of hope and not fear. The stigma of mental health is lessening, and more and more people are reaching out for help. The more awareness that people have about mental health services, the more willing they will be to seek help from a licensed therapist or other mental health professional. If you are struggling with these unwanted feelings, just remember that you are not alone. Help is available to you if you make the choice to engage with it.